life is always going to be crazy

i'm all graduated now. HOORAY!! i have been waiting and waiting for the email to come telling me when i can go take my exams. i swear it may never come..... but whatever i guess. all good things will eventually come to those who are patient right?...
so let's see what all has been going on lately...
my job has been getting a bit harder. thankfully i know that i won't have to be there too much longer. i'll actually get to work a career that i love doing.
um, i still really hate drama. i don't understand why people can't just grow up and accept the responsibility instead of blaming everyone else. then they bring in other drama and i have a major headache and i just want to bawl my eyes and heart out right now.
i really am trying hard to stay positive about life, but i am really struggling. just when i think something may finally start looking good, something else comes in and i spend most of my days feeling so down and depressed. now don't get me wrong, i'm ok. or at least i think i am. i know a good portion of my problem is that i am too focused on just myself. i have now been out of school for 2 weeks and i took a few days off work. what did i do in those few days? slept almost the entire days. and when i wasn't sleeping, i was in a bad mood and wanted to just be left alone, but also felt like i was starved for attention. i don't know how to explain it. poor zach has been so patient and i have been extremely moody.
i have a wonderful husband who loves me and wants me to be happy so he does what he can do. and then here i am; moody, whinny, and angry. i feel like i just want to go out for a run, but then i'm so tired all the time and don't want to do anything, but my brain is going crazy for something to do if i just sit and do nothing. we are newly weds so of course we have no money, so we can't really go out and do anything. the only game we have for 2 people is scrabble. zach has now started creaming me, so it's not quite as fun and i can't think of words because i usually always have a headache. we have gone out a few times on walks, and that is always nice when our schedules can agree. but it is kind of rare that our schedules actually will let us have time together.
i know i could be better at praying, reading my scriptures, doing service. maybe that is really all i need. a vacation from myself, from my thoughts and moods.
i made banana bread again. zach likes it, but it isn't as good as the oops one with frozen eggs. This time it came out a bit more moist and it crumbles when you cut it. I am not sure what the difference between the two was, well other than the first time the eggs were frozen solid.... zach says it still tastes really good. he had the last one gone in 2 days. we'll see how long he gets through this one.
i also made chocolate chip cookies for the sunday school boys we are in charge of teaching. zach and i told them we would maybe bring treats if they bring their scriptures and participate in the lessons. the cookies turned out really well, but were almost too moist and so they crumbled too. i am just not sure what the problem is. anyway, the cookies were still a hit and i think they will all have scriptures next week. we shall see... i'm only taking oreos from the store...not homemade.
oh, so i guess i've been in a singles' ward too long.... zach had to work this past sunday. i had to teach by myself. apparently this has changed in the church. i had no idea, and i've never taught before. but i kinda got chewed out by one of the young women teachers for being the only adult teaching. i guess because things have happened there are always supposed to be two adult teachers now for each class every week. once again, i have been in a singles' ward... and zach and i had only been in this new ward for 2 weeks when we were called as sunday school teachers. no one told us anything. they just said "here's the manual. good luck."
so i am not sure what to do since zach is still scheduled for some sundays. i think the one young women leader got her husband to come in cause i ended up having some brother sneek in right before we said the opening prayer. i have no idea who he is. we have only been in the ward 4 weeks and don't know anyone. they stuck us with the youth. i know 2 people's names that welcomed me the very first week in relief society; norma & marge. and i know the bishop and the ward mission leader. i am still learning the kids' names we teach. zach still has no clue as to who is who. we don't even get a roll to read names off of. the way our ward does roll is to write your own name on a paper on the clipboard. so alas, life is crazy and is always going to be.