almost 5 months later

so here we are again... almost 5 months later... well i have been super busy trying to take care of the little one. kyan is growing so fast. he rolled over at 2 weeks old and has just been a busy boy ever since. ok, so really it took him another month to roll over after the 2 week mark, but hey, he is a growing boy.
i am continually amazed at how much this little person has to offer. kyan is so smart and absorbs everything. today he and i made faces and sounds back and forth. he was totally copying me. i just love my baby.
kyan of course has his days that are more trying on my patience, but i am learning for sure. he is so close to crawling and i am freaking out. mostly because i am afraid i won't be able to keep up and something will happen to him. i know, i know... over protective mommy syndrome kicking in.
i already have been having dreams that something has happened to zach and me. like the other night i dreamed we were both killed in a car accident. i woke up so scared that i didn't know what was going to happen to my baby. who would take care of him? how would the families handle it? who would be the one that would establish things? i talked to zach about it, and he said that he had kind of been thinking about it too. so i asked him where he wanted kyan to go if something happened to us. he didn't want to talk about it.
after having different family members deal with adoption and stuff like that, i learned that we do have to have a plan and have it written down somewhere otherwise our kid will become property of the state. we don't want that to happen.
so after thinking more about it, here is what my thoughts are:
if something were to happen to zach or me or both of us and we can no longer take care of kyan, i want kyan to be raised by his uncle adam ray taylor and aunt cedar kelly taylor.
if they are unable or unwilling to take kyan, i want kyan to be raised by his aunt brooke beth taylor snyder and uncle christopher william snyder.
if they are unable or unwilling to take kyan, i want kyan to be raised by his aunt esther taylor.
and that is as far as i go because i don't think it will be a problem.
now i understand that some of you might be upset by this, but after much thought on this, this is my decision. kyan is my baby. and i feel that he will have the best chance of being a happy, strong in the gospel, active, healthy boy and man if he is raised by people who already have those qualities as their lifestyle. i don't want anyone to feel like they aren't good enough to raise my baby. i just know what my family has been through and know what lifestyle we live.
so anyway, i don't think anything will happen to zach and me, but i don't want kyan to be given to the state. i want him to be surrounded by family and people who love him and will give him the life that i want him to have.
let's see what else is going on....
oh i got a job at an assisted living home. the elderly people are crazy, but lots of fun. i love working there. i am doing massage twice a week. one day i give back massage and they sit in a massage chair or just a regular chair if they can't get on the massage chair. and then the second day i give hand massage. it is lots of fun to talk to them and see how much massage makes a difference. sometimes i think they just like the company, but they are always so grateful to have massage. i love working in massage where i can help without stressing. it is a wonderful field and i am so glad to have finally gone to school and learned what i was naturally good at.
zach is still working 2 jobs. he has been a lot busier and doesn't hardly get a day off. when he is home, he tries to help with kyan and let me rest. i love watching kyan and zach play. kyan gives his daddy the biggest smiles and giggles. kyan loves to grab zach's nose and pull his cheeks and squeal in his ears. zach doesn't quite like the squealing. i don't like that it is so loud and high pitched.
kyan squealed so high and loud the other day that it sent reichael running from the room. that is saying something cause reichael is very patient with kyan. he loves his dog and she is getting to be more tolerant of kyan and will let him pull her ears and pet her. it will be lots of fun to watch those two play when kyan gets a bit bigger. at the rate he is growing and progressing, it won't be too much longer.
we are still trying to give kyan only breast milk, but he shows so much interest in "real" food when we all sit at the table. he also "drank" from a cup yesterday when his grandma and grandpa couldn't get him to take a bottle. i don't like that idea of him drinking from a cup just yet cause he could choke, but they said it worked for them. he still will get a bottle from me. at least until he is 6 months old. then we will see what the dr says. esp since sometimes he chokes with the medium flow nipple bottle.
i can't really think of what else to post right now so i will end. hopefully i can get back sooner. probably not, but there is always the thought. if only there was the technology that i could think about posting a blog and it would post right then what i wanted to post. kinda like facebook, but tons better because it is the blog. hmmmm... something to think about until next time.