talk about irony...

this week has been a very interesting one. i am not sure just what to do with myself about it. for starters...monday night. there was a group of 8 that went hiking. 4 boys & 4 girls. naturally we kinda paired up....there was one married couple and another that were dating. the rest of us are friends, but we sort of paired up too. jonathon took the lead, and for a while i was keeping pace with him. then i realized that i should probably bring up the rear....and jonathon wasn't really talking to me anyway. he was talking to everybody else. not a big deal, but it hurt a bit. then the trail changed and it got a bit tough. our group was spreading out. so we slowed down and then jonathon's phone rang. he answered it because it was "that girl". for most of the hike up, he was talking to her....flirting with her. the silly grin on his face was making me nauseous. i don't get it. i mean, i get it. i understand he is not interested in me that way. but why spend the last month talking to me the way he has. asking me what would my dad think if i brought a guy like him home. why have more in depth conversations then we have ever had when we actually were dating? then why in front of my face answer your phone because "that girl" called. and then why cancel our biking for the week. esp when you know that this week is my last week before school starts and i fall off the face of the earth. UGH!!!! why can't i just make my head and my heart think and do what i want. why do i continually hope that maybe the idiot will wake up and realize what he is missing out on. and i think worst of all...why am i a hopeless romantic. why can't i just get over the fact that he isn't going to feel about me the way i somehow still feel for him. and how do i still have feelings for him when i keep getting hurt by him? i am stronger than that...aren't i?
oh and ryan & i are just friends. he says he isn't ready for a relationship. and he is going to be back in school and has a lot going on. things still are potentially there to be more than friends. he understands that i would like things to be more, but he also wants me to keep my options open. we are dating, but not exclusive is how i take that to mean. we promised to always be honest and open with each other. i don't understand how i can like two boys at the same time. and ironically neither really wants to be more than friends with me. and even more irony...these two boys always manage to come in a pair together in and out of my life. it is almost as if they plan it. so again i say UGH!!!
and then here is the icing on the cake. zach asked me out. he seems pretty cool. and we have plans for this saturday night. we have been texting the last couple of days. we have mostly been doing the question & answer game thing. what's your favorites and such. nicknames got brought up. i said, my family calls me beanie. i have friends that call me chinaho. he answered, how about i just call you amber. so then i asked if he was zachary or zacharias. here is where again my life gets ironic.... his answer. my name is actually john. JOHN!!!!! what is it with me and guys who's names start with J or are really named john or jonathon or jon or johnny?! he is john zacharias smith and goes by zach. seriously i almost canceled our date. i think i am doomed or destined or whatever you want to call it, to have in my dating world a guy with j in his name somewhere. looking back over my dating life, i think i can count on one hand how many guys have had a different name from the whole j thing. so talk about irony.

secondhand serenade

the secondhand serenade concert was really good. we (lis, mary, zach, & i) went to brick oven in provo before the concert. then we got to thanksgiving point just before 7pm. the other bands that played were not too bad. one of them even gave us a free sample cd. they are called 'we shot the moon' and actually aren't bad at all. it was a fun night. we put blankets down on the grass and just chilled. poor zach though.... he was the only guy out with 3 very hot, dressed up gals....and he really wanted to kiss one or all of us.....and none of us were interested at all. he is a pretty cool guy though. (i had just met him last night) and he isn't too bad on the eyes, and he is 25. lis & i remembered not to scream so we could have voices to sing today. and our duet went really well today. i am sure we had help from on high. after the concert last night, we dropped zach off at his truck/suv honda thing. then lis, mary, & i went for frostys at wendys. they were tasty. and we got back to ogden about 12:30. it was quite nice. and i think i will take a nap now because i have a headache and also i got up earlier this morning to get my hair & make-up done before i went to practice/warm up. i want to light off fireworks, but i am not sure if i will go up to lis' or just not light off fireworks. i was hoping ryan would call or text, but i haven't heard from him since friday night. he was sad that he missed fireworks for the 4th, and then we didn't light any off on the 24th cause it was too late. but i am not sure he would want to drive down just to drive back up. i am not even sure if i should start the conversation or if i should let him pursue. ugh. blah. whatever. i just would like to know one way or the other. and really now, i am done for today. my head hurts a lot.

this weekend

wednesday night mountain biking kicked my butt. it was awesome, but it kicked my butt. i came home and had to ice my knees, ankle, and wrists. i wrecked 3 times. jonathon wrecked too, but much worse than i did, so i am not complaining. it still hurt my pride a bit. anyway, i am excited about my last ride on this coming wednesday. it will be my last for a while with them because i start school aug 3. (happy birthday mom!) i hopefully will still be able to go with lis, but after this morning's experience....i don't really think i want to ride the canal road trail again. i will explain shortly....when i get to today. i am still finishing wednesday. ryan and i texted a bit more and then i fell asleep.
thursday was an alright day at work. i didn't want to work, but still put in my shift and stayed mostly busy. thursday evening, i went out to lis' sister's house to practice for sunday. we were there for about 2 hours and only got half way through the song. it's ok though...it will be good with help from above. i came home and went to bed.
friday was a great day. happy pioneer day. i went to work and there wasn't much to do. i got it done quickly and still was trying to come up with things i could get done without staying extra. i had asked the meat guys to marinate some steaks for me. they did my absolute favorite steak...the burgandy steak. they picked out two huge top sirloins for me. it's nice to be loved. i came home and cleaned my apartment. then i painted my toe nails. then i read more of 'crime & punishment' and then finally it was time for ryan to come over. he was going to come over earlier, but his truck is in the shop so he had to wait until later.
ryan gave me the biggest hug. it was wonderful. we talked for a bit about LDAC (the army training he was at) and i laughed at how he had to have MRI shots and other shots. he didn't think he needed his vaccination record with him, so the army just gave him new shots for their records. then the two of us went out to jeff & angie's (another of lis' siblings) house and had dinner and then lis, lex, and i practiced more for sunday. poor ryan i am sure was bored out of his mind. he never complained though and said that it was ok. after we practiced, we all went back outside and watched the movie 'robots' on the projector. ok, i should say we finished watching the movie. the rest of the fam had already started it, but that is totally understandable. we were going to light off fireworks, but it was already almost 11pm. it is good to have ryan back in town. i have really missed him. and that was friday.
now on to today. lis & i went biking the canal road again. the last time we biked, my back tire got a puncture weed stuck in it, and went flat. this time it was my front tire. i had re-slimed my back tire, but my front was still good, so i didn't re-slime it until today. there are too many puncture weeds on that trail. i honestly don't even know where they were coming from because it looks like it should all be dirt/gravel road. all i have to say is UGH! now both of my tires have been re-slimed...which i am thinking that i should always re-slime at least once a year. hopefully my tires will be good for at least one more ride, on wednesday.
also today is the secondhand serenade concert at thanksgiving point. mary. lis, and i are going. i am not sure about anyone else. frankly i don't care because they are all flaky people. but i am going, and i am totally excited for it. i just have to remind myself no screaming so i can sing in sacrament tomorrow with lis. it is going to be pretty amazing. lex (lis' niece) made an arrangement of 'come, come ye saints' and 'god of our fathers' just for us. she hears it in her head and just plays it on the piano. let me tell you something though...it is hard. i am struggling. i need your prayers to get through it. if we can pull it off, it will be really really cool. maybe we will record it later and i could post it. but we shall see. i have to go now so i can get my hair and make-up done for tonight. i think we are stopping for dinner somewhere before hand too. it will be a good night.

bad vs good day?...or just rotten luck...again ish

yesterday i took myself to the ogden pioneer days rodeo. i asked a bunch of friends to come, but not one came. i am a complete loser. i understand that some of my friends actually had legitimate reasons for not coming. the others that said it would be fun to come and didn't show....it is those that i am having a hard time believing they are truly friends to me. i am an adult however, so i am not going to get mad or cry. i am just going to stop inviting people to do things when i know that even though they say yes they would like to come or even yes they will come and then don't show up. i am just going to stop inviting people to do things period. i will make my own fun on my own two feet. i am secure enough to go places and do things by myself...ok maybe not mountain biking alone, but rodeos and dinner and whatever else i can think up.
the rodeo was awesome. i got there just after the pre-show started. so i got to watch the mutton busting, quick rescues, sky divers, and a few other very entertaining rodeo excitement. i took some video from it that will be posted below. the rodeo clown was great! he actually came up in the audience and took some ladies cell phone from her to take pictures. it was funny. my favorite part of a rodeo is the bull riding. call me crazy, yes i know. but i love watching bull riding. i think it is sheer stupidity, but highly entertaining. one cowboy got knocked in the head twice by the bull, and his helmet came flying off. he walked away, but i am sure he has a concussion. there were supposed to be fireworks after the rodeo, but due to wind conditions, they had to cancel. in place of fireworks, they had dirt bike jumpers. they did crazy stunts. now i think that is slightly more dangerous than bull riding. it was still really cool to watch. i got home a little later than i had planned...time passes quickly when you are having fun.
because i got home so late, i triple checked my phone....it serves as my alarm in the morning. today is ad day...i am supposed to be at work at 3am. i got home just after 11pm. i didn't get to sleep until probably midnight. i would only get 2 hours of sleep. oh well...i think it was worth it. anyways, my phone last night somehow shut itself off. completely off. my alarm didn't go off. i didn't wake up. my boss had sent messages asking if i was coming in to work. i didn't get them. my phone was off. i woke up because i was having a very bizarre dream and there was a plane outside flying really close to houses making a lot of noise. i realized that i couldn't have slept two hours. i looked at the clock. it read 5:30. bad words came out of my mouth and i grabbed my phone to see why the alarm never sounded.
my phone was off. when i turned it on, i had no messages, no phone calls, no voicemail. i sent a message to my boss to let her know i was coming to work and that i was extremely sorry about being so late and everything. it's a good thing she likes me and that i am usually a timely person. i got to work 3 hours late. i was working on making new signs for the displays when my phone suddenly went off for 5 text messages. i looked at the time received.... 2 were from 4am. it was now 8am. i got my messages 4 hours after they were sent. great. why does technology hate me so much? why can't it just work? normally i don't really care that much if technology doesn't work for me, but when i rely on it to get up in the morning, and it fails me.... UGH!!!
so here is where the good vs bad day comes into play: 1) my boss and 2 other ladies from work are taking a road trip in september to the stanley hotel in colorado. we are spending the night in the stanley hotel. for those of you wondering what is the stanley hotel....watch 'the shining' by stephen king. it is based from his experiences there. i am totally excited. we booked the room and got the confirmation today.
2) ryan got his phone back today and was texting me for a few hours while he was packing and i was at work. he comes home tomorrow. we have plans for friday after i get off work. i am not sure what we are going to do, but we will do something and have fun. and 3)...jonathon called me today. we are going mountain biking with micah and friends today at 6 at wheeler....or whatever the name of it is. (where we went last week) hopefully this week i can keep up a little better. i doubt it, but it will still be a great ride. i love it.

yippee!!!

i was able to donate blood today! i haven't been able to donate because my iron count has been way too low. but today was a good day, and my iron count was 13 something, and i filled my bag in 4 & 1/2 minutes! yippee!!! wahoo!!! i know, i know....i am a dork. but i really love donating blood! and was excited that i could donate today. i had to wait until after work...so i didn't pass out again at work....but hey, it's all good. i donated! and that is my happy news today...for being monday.
in other good news.... ryan comes home on thursday. :) i believe we still have plans for friday. i am not entirely certain because he still is out of contact with the rest of society. but it is still good news. saturday will be a great day. it is the secondhand serande concert at thanksgiving point. lis, mary, and i are going. and on sunday, lis & i are singing a duet of a patriotic nature for our ward. bishop & bro. chambers asked us yesterday. lex, lis' niece is going to accompany for us (hopefully) and it should be really good. lis & i blend very well together so i am excited for it, or maybe it is just nerves. oh well. either way, this week is looking to be a good one. :)

new adventures

mountain biking on wednesday evening totally rocked! jonathon & i went with his friend micah and some of micah's friends. micah & company are insane bikers. we went up a trail called wheeler (i think that's what it's called) up in the ogden canyon somewhere, and went for about an hour and a half. then turned around and came back. well, at least that is what jonathon and i did. micah & friends lapped us. they went up, came most of the way back down, found us, and came back up again. INSANE! it was worth it though. i fell a few times and have some bruises in random places. i really don't remember hitting that many things.... oh well. it was awesome and i can't wait to see where we go next wednesday.

thursday i was a complete lazy butt and slept....mostly cause i hadn't really slept this whole week. and yesterday i went to salt lake and got more information about class that starts in 2 weeks for me. i also got a seated massage. the gal that worked on me couldn't believe how tense i was and how many knots were in my back. i said, "yeah it happens a lot to me. but i am excited for class to start to get them worked out." when i got back from UCMT, i did my laundry. and then i tried to go to bed so i could get up this morning and go hike ben lomond peak with jonathon. ok, i didn't really sleep, but i did try and was able to get 3 hours in.

was getting up at 3am to be at the trailhead at 4am worth it?....heck yes! not too many people see sunrises anymore. i know i wish i could see more, esp from a mountain. jonathon and i didn't actually make it to the top of ben lomond. we got about just over half (guessing here) when jonathon finally said he needed to look at his heels. he had mentioned probably a half hour before we stopped that he could feel his boots rubbing the wrong way. when we stopped to actually look, his heels were so raw that the only smart thing to do was turn around. i am only a little sad that we didn't make it to the top. but i wasn't going to make jonathon hike even further with those blisters. i offered to carry him back down, but i said it may not work because his feet would still drag on the trail. i am only tall enough for my feet to reach the ground after all. and here are some amazing pictures i took on the hike up and back down.

exciting things this week...so far

today is only wednesday, but i am ready for friday... i'll get there.
monday was fun. jonathon, lis, sarah, sarah's friend (i can't remember her name....) and i went hiking up the ogden nature valley extension trail. it was great to actually have a group that could come and enjoy the great outdoors with. usually, well at least lately, it has just been jonathon and me going.
yesterday was a very long day. i got about 530 am and went to work. i was extremely bored on monday at work because i had nothing to do. i was waiting and should have done sign orders and price points for the ad that started today, but no one turned any in on monday...when they are supposed to turn them in. so i was behind work all day tuesday because everything had to be done before i left so it could be ready for today's ad. i was so close to finally being done, but i had to pause to go to staff meeting. my boss had left to go have lunch with her grandma & mom for her grandma's birthday. normally she goes to staff meeting. i am not complaining that i had too much to do. i am complaining that i had to wait for people to do their job before i could do mine. i don't understand why things can't be done when it is an everyday/every week, same ol' thing, but this week was 'let's not turn it in on time if we even bother turning it in'. UGH!
so i am getting ready to go to staff meeting and this very annoying person comes into my office. please note that i am basically the only person in my office at this point in time. this person is all upset because all the signs that were ordered were all wrong. they changed what they were doing and all the signs were just wrong. i told this person that it would be a few minutes before i could get to it because i still have 3-4 other things that came to my office before she did. she got a bit hissy fit on me and exclaimed, "well should i just write the UPCs down then" i answered yes and kept working. she only wrote half of the UPCs down for me. thankfully i know how to do my job so i am smart enough to figure out the other codes i needed for her signs. i made the signs and was getting ready to head up to staff meeting when our floral lady brought in roses. one for my boss and one for me...from a secret admirer. it was sweet.
staff meeting was good. our meat manager made his hamburgers for us. everyone else kinda nibbled theirs and couldn't finish because they were so thick and yummy that you could get full from one bite. i on the other hand, could not get it in my face fast enough. i was enjoying it way too much. keep in mind i had already had lunch a few hours before. it is disgusting how much i can eat when i want to eat. after staff meeting, i went back to my office to finish the day's work. i didn't get home from work until almost 3 pm. usually i am home by 2.
i got home and tried to nap so i could make it through the rest of the day and night. i couldn't really sleep. i got up and curled my hair. then i went hunting for slime at walmart, target, and then was finally successful at sports authority. my back tire on my bike went flat on me on saturday. i do have slime in my tires already, but i think i just had too many puncture weed holes for it to be most effective. so i re-slimmed my back bike tire. i will have to check it really quick before i go biking today with jonathon. it seemed to be holding up well this morning. after i got my tire done, i went to roosters. lisa c's birthday was last week and she didn't tell us so we didn't do anything. i decided that we needed to do something. so lis, sarah, lisa and i went to roosters on 25th street and had dinner. it was fabulous.
after dinner, i went to macey's. i know, i know... but that is where we, my boss and other ladies from work, were meeting to go to harry potter...the midnight showing. since the grand majority of us were just coming right into work after the movie, we wanted to carpool and save on trying to find parking at the theatre. harry potter was really good. i want to go see it again....but i think i want to find a guy to take me. i drank one energy drink before the movie, and as soon as we got back to macey's, i drank another. my boss and i were the only ones in scanning today. normally we have one other person, but he called in.
my boss and i made an executive decision that we were only going to work until 11am. keep in mind that today is ad day. i usually go in at 3am and work until 1pm. my boss usually just works her normal 6-2. let me just tell you that i think the only thing keeping me running today was the energy drinks. i got home from work and took a 3 hour nap. i am not sure why i didn't sleep longer...esp for being up for roughly 31 hours. but hey, i need to get up so i can sleep tonight and so jonathon and i can go mountain biking in an hour. and now on to why i wish it were friday... it is the open house/orientation for massage school. i get a free seated massage. and that is why i wish it were friday. they said i can bring friends with me...so anyone want to come to salt lake after i get off work on friday? you will get a free seated massage too. and that is the exciting things this week so far.

this last week

this week went pretty quickly and then not quick enough. monday i blogged that i had gone swimming. tuesday jonathon & i went biking the ogden river parkway. we did the whole thing...8 miles round trip. perhaps though we may have taken a wrong turn because when we finally found a map, it had weber river parkway on it. oh well. it was still a nice ride. then i went to the 'boys like girls' concert with lis, mary, and lisa. it was a lot of fun. the music was good, but the language between songs was not great. and i could have done without seeing weird people jumping off the stage to crowd surf and then flashing the crowd when they jumped. and i could have done without seeing the guys in the band kiss eachother. that was just plain gross. but other than that, it was fun. and we got frostys after the concert.
i am totally stoked for the 'secondhand serenade' concert on july 25. wednesday i went to institute with erin. it was a really good class. we talked about the war chapters in alma and how it applies to us today. thursday i went to the park and read 'the princess bride' the abridged version. it was such a beautiful day i couldn't pass being outside. so why not go to the park and put a blanket on the grass and read. i read the entire book. i am not that fast of a reader...at least i don't think i am, but it was a fairly quick read. i got done and went up to lis' house for a lia sophia party she was having. i was good and didn't buy anything, but i picked out what i would like to buy next time. friday i got my laundry done and a got a good start on 'crime and punishment' then i went to the institue water party/bbq at forest park. i only stayed for 45 minutes. i didn't know anyone, and i just people watched. i know i should make more of an effort to get to know people, but i really had no interest in meeting anyone once i got there. so i came home and went to bed. i know, i am lame.
but i got up early this morning for it being saturday. i was up at 630 and dressed for biking with lis by 7 so i could get up to her house by 730. she was still asleep when i rang the doorbell. oh well. we did the trail behind weber high school. i don't remember the name of it. we went for about a half hour one way and then turned around. coming back, i somehow had hit something and my back tire went flat. i had to walk my bike back the rest of the way. i felt bad that lis had to ride slow, so i tried running a bit with my bike. let me tell ya, it is not as easy as it looks. i will live though. i put air in my tire at the chevron, and it stayed full when i got back to my place. hopefully the slime will find whatever caused the leak and seal it up so i don't have to replace my tire. i will check it again before i ride on wednesday. and that is my past week.

july is here already?.....

july is here! holy cow! it is 6 days into july to be exact. and a fair amount has happened this last week of june and first part of july. i last left you before i was going hiking with jonathon. well....that was totally awesome! we started in ogden canyon and hiked what we both believe to be called the indian trail. it went up and up and switchback and up. the hike up seemed a lot longer and father than coming down. jonathon and i had a good chat coming down. hiking up, we were both so out of breath, or maybe it was just me, that we didn't really say much. it is really a beautiful trail and i think everyone should at least get out and try it. we didn't go too far because jonathon had other things he needed to do and it was starting to get dark. i am not really sure anymore about where jonathon and i stand. our chat coming down the mountain was more serious and open then what i have ever discussed with jonathon before. not that we are getting serious about us, at least i don't think we are, yet. but i have decided to just let bygones be bygones and see where the game of life takes me. we still went mountain biking on wednesday, and for some reason, i was a major pansy and couldn't get up the hill that i had done in the pouring rain a few weeks ago. i think maybe in part it was because we went a little earlier in the day than we usually do, and i may have been dehydrated, and i had also gone swimming on tuesday. so i was a pansy and felt terrible, and still do, that it took us...well me... an hour to get up some of the mountain and only 10 minutes to get back down. jonathon is a much better mountain biker than me. i slow him down.
anyway....so monday i went hiking with jonathon. tuesday i went swimming at the gym. wednesday i went mountain biking with jonathon. thursday i was lazy and did laundry instead of running. and friday i drove to dolores, colorado. saturday i spent the day with brooke, chris, chandler, and all of chris' extended family. (they have basically adopted me into the family) we watched the parade in rico and then explored old mines and just laughed and relaxed a bit and had fun enjoying each others' company. saturday night we went back to rico and watched the fireworks. for a tiny little po-dunk town of maybe 40 houses...the fireworks were AWESOME!!! the fire department puts on the firework show all from donations. they light them off on one mountain across the highway (the only paved road in rico, probably because it is a federal highway) and the spectators watch on the other mountain across the highway. so really, the fireworks are blowing up in your face and echoing across the mountain valley. it is super awesome! sunday i went to church in cortez and we all had lunch then it was time to hit the road. i tell ya, 6 hours isn't that long of a drive, but when you are by yourself, it gets boring quick. i can only talk to myself for so long. oh well. i am back now and this week should be another good week, i am hoping.
today i went swimming and did a few good laps before i felt my heart was going to jump out of my chest. so i slowed it down a lot and just took it easy. i need to start getting used to not swallowing water but breathing air when i come up between strokes. tomorrow i am going mountain biking with jonathon (since he can't make it on wednesday he asked if we could still go tomorrow) and then i am going to the 'boys like girls' concert with mary and lis. (i think) and then wednesday i think i will go to institute with erin since my usual plans got rescheduled. and thursday i am not entirely certain what i have going on, but i think i have something. friday i am not sure yet either. and saturday...ok, really i just have through wednesday planned. but it works for me. i am going to end here so i can go get public pool water smell off me.